Coming Out to Your Parents

Questions You Need to Consider Before Coming Out to Your Parents

Are you sure you’re gay?

Don’t try to talk about it with your parents unless you are sure. If you’re not sure, your parents will be confused and probably think you don’t really know what you’re talking about.

Are you at ease with being gay?

If you’re feeling guilty and unhappy from time to time,s its better not to tell your parents right away. You may need a lot of energy when you tell them. You will also need a lot of strength which comes from being comfy with your gayness.

Do you have friends who know you well, who you trust and who will help you through a hard time?

If your parents react badly you will need someone you can rely on to help you. It may be a friend, a counsellor or a group of others who are coming out. It is very important to mix with others you can talk with. You need their help so you don’t get too unhappy or feel really sad.

Do you know quite a lot about being gay?

Your parents may know very little about being gay. Its not something most parents talk or think about. If you’ve done some serious reading about it, you’ll be able to help them with real facts. Joining a group of others who are thinking about coming out is another way to learn facts about why some guys are gay. You can learn about famous people who have been gay too. The more you know the better

What’s life like at home?

Think about the best time to tell your parents and family. Pick a time when they’re relaxed. If you can, put off telling them during a major family crisis, if they have to go into hospital or if one of them has lost a job.

Can you give your parents time to get used to you being gay?

Your parents will need time to get used to you being gay. This will be the case specially if it’s a real shock to them when you tell them. It may take as long as two years for them to be relaxed about you being gay. They have emotions too.

Why are you coming out to your parents now?

The best reason is because you love them and feel unhappy pretending to be straight all the time. Never loose control and blurt out that you’re gay in the middle of an argument or when you’re angry.

Do you have others who can help you explain about being gay to your parents?

Most non-gay people don’t know much about being gay. Try to have at lest one of these to help explain things to your parents:

• A book for parents who have gay children;
• A phone contact for the group called ‘Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays’;
• The name of a non-gay counsellor.

Having other people your parents can speak to, or books they can read, will make it much easier for them to understand.

Do you live at home and rely on your parents for food and spending money?

If you think they might throw you out of the house or stop paying college fees, you should think about waiting to come out until you have a job and can keep yourself with your wages.

How well do you get on with your parents?

If you’ve always got along well and know they love you, and if they know you share their love for them, the chances are they’ll be able to deal with finding out you’re gay fairly easily.

Do they think about things as good or bad, or as holy or sinful?

If they do, they are likely to find it hard to accept you as gay. On the other hand, if you know they think about things and can change their ideas when they’ve got the facts and thought things through, then they’ll likely work through with you your being gay.

Is it your idea to come out to your parents?

Some gays never come out to their parents. Don’t let others push you into coming out to your parents. You need to make up your own mind. Only come out if you’re sure you’ll be better off however your parents react.

Contacts and Support
Gay Organisations
Counsellors